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SWD/Turtle Program


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#1 CZMDM

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 09:59 AM

We are proud to announce that we've just opened a new SWD (Swim With the Dogs) and Turtle sanctuary at our beautiful Villa on the magnificent island of Cozumel, 1 mile from the center of beautiful downtown San Miguel. Of course we ripped these dogs away from their homes and families and forced them to travel here against their will where they were brutally trained to sit, stay, rool over, sleep in our bed, are forced to hang on the beach, go on the dive boat and swim daily in our pool. Remember to not let their wagging tails and smiles fool you as they are truly miserable and deservedly so. Please do not be confused. These dogs are mammals and not animals.

There are two programs:

1) Watch as we have the dogs retrieve duck dummies from the pool and thrill at their crazy antics as they frolic the day away swimming and barking.

2) Partcipate in the Royal Dog Swim as our German Shepherd tows you around the pool while you are chased by two insane Jack Russell Terriers.
And you can always particpate in the retrieval program and use of pool at no additional charge.

Turtles:

Of course outside of San Miguel you can't go 5 feet without tripping over a land turtle, but we like to think our turtles are extra special if just for the simple reason that you have to pay $45USD to hang with them. Watch them race around the garden. Laugh with them as they have sex and their shells click like so many canastas. A total riot and a wonderful way to spend your limited vacation time on the island. Very informative for children.

Pricing:

$45USD for Turtle program and use of pool. 1 beer included.

$65USD to watch the Dog Retrival Swim. 1 beer included.

$125USD for the Royal Dog Swim. 1 beer included, unless you are a really cute babe and then we might give you 2 beers if you let us do a tequila body popper from your navel.

For an additional $35USD we can gaurentee that you will never encounter a local Mexican that doesn't speak fluent English during your stay. Heaven forbid that you would encounter someone from another culture that does not speak English.

$10USD off for anyone that can name a local Cozumel friend that is neither a DM, bartender or a waiter.

All programs include free drinking water, unlimited pool time, towels and a coupon for a free drink of your choice at the Money Bar.

Hope to see you all soon!!!
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#2 Charles

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 11:39 AM

This looks like a wonderful cross species interaction program. I think it's wonderful when both mammals and egg layers can come together, learn from each other and celebrate their differences and many things they share in common.

It is my experience that few are familiar with Mexican Wood Turtles. Are bags of food supplied to participants. Many people may know how to deal with an angry shepherd, an insane Jack Russell, but how many people know how to properly react when confronted with a surrounding group of Wood Turtles who are hungry and demanding to be fed. Are bags of chicken or chunks of fruit supplied to calm any situation that threatens to get out of hand? They may be slow, but never underestimate the tenacity of those little shell dwellers. If they were larger or had longer legs, no home would be safe.

Along with your rent a Russell Terrorist, you pay $10 dollars per day(?), do you offer turtle rentals and just how much is the compensation? Can people book this adventure directly or is it an exclusive experience that must be booked through the cruise ships directly?

It might be nice if you could expand this to include a petting zoo with the giant Devil Boas and common tarantulas. Something simple that would be more geared to children It would be good to not ignore the insect kingdom and with each free drink coupon, include a butterfly cocoon. If humans learned early and experienced more species diversity, it would break down barriers that divide us. We all share one common planet except for Scientologists.

I assume all animals and mammals are English only.
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#3 Coz2wonder

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 12:23 PM

not sure what promoted this, but both Mike and Charles crack me UP!

My sister has a Jack Russel...I always loved his name. Cat Fish Jack...wild and crazy kinda guy!
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#4 CZMDM

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 12:28 PM

You would be shocked at how fast those turtles can move when Teresa goes out to feed them. She feeds them Tulipanes and bread, but their favorite food seems to be dog poop of which we have an endless supply.

Man we have about 27 turtles. We started with 5 and we have given many away. They are really cute. If anybody wants any turtles or turtle eggs (it's cool to watch them hatch) PM me. They are great for the garden.
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#5 Coz2wonder

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 12:34 PM

Me, me, me...lots for them to chow down on here! Poop is a specialty here
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#6 CZMDM

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 12:41 PM

I thought it was funny too. Posted it on TA but it was removed because some dipstick thought it was a real ad.

I was serious anybody that wants any come by and get a couple. Call or email first as the front bell is rarely hooked up (kids keep banging it).
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#7 Valli

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 01:42 PM

CZMDM, I think you are really onto something here! Good to see some imagination and innovation, that can take you a long way. So here is my question - I know a couple of locals (born and raised in Cozumel) that are neither divemasters, bartenders or waiters, but they do speak pretty fluent English. So am I eligible for the 10$ USD or does one cancel out the other? Would I at least still get a free beer? Thank you for this terrific post which adds some levity and provided me with a needed chuckle today.
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#8 jsmflake

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 02:32 PM

CZMDM,
This post made my day! We will be on the island in early September and may try to fit in your excursion! :lol:
Does each person participating need to name a different Cozumel friend, or can we all use the same name? B)
Oh yeah, and do you guarentee that we will not be bothered by scattered thunderstorms during our visit?
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#9 Coz2wonder

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 03:29 PM

What type of souvenirs will you be offering CZMDM? (it's always fun to take stuff home for the kids)

T-Shirts?
Shepard and Jack Key Chains?
Shot Glasses (with your choice of your favorite mammal picture)
Pictures (still and video) of our swimming with SWD's?

Will you also be offering a senior discount?

Will the discount also count for the body poppers? Seniors like to have fun too (might not be pretty but...)
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#10 2islandbums

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 03:38 PM

This sounds like abuse to me!!!!!! I will begin a boycott Now!!! Well not right now because I have to finish my reply, take a nap stay out of the heat, but anyway soon I will begin the boycott. That is if my question are not answered in a timely manner or when you can get to them.
I would have to see that the German Shepherd was of the correct size and weight to be pulling larger people around the pool and that water and food were near to his work station. He would also have to be happy (a tail wag would be great)
Shepherds are as the name states of the herding breed and should not be forced to work in the hostile pool for long hours.
So I am not sure if this will work at all.
Perhaps the Shepherd could be allow to run free in the yard and heard to turtles.

As for the Jack Russels they are nuts and can not be trusted with people and will soon rule the world, they are smarter than a fifth grader for sure, mark my words people.

As far as the turtles this may be the worst of all, the disrespect of the privacy is amazing, what would your mother say?

Thanks for the laugh and the fool that removed it from TA needs to get a life or do I for replying to this?
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#11 Coz2wonder

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 04:17 PM

I heard a rumor that the Shepard, Jack's and Turtle where going to start a side business!

Yep, I heard the name is The Mammal Crawl. It's supposed to be a crazy cantina tour.

I saw one of the signs they where making..."Join us for the Mammal Crawl where you can act like an animal"

I don't know how well it will go over.

Their already fighting over who's gonna drive the bus!

Thank you Mike, this has been a good chuckle for the day!
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#12 CZMDM

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 05:22 PM

Valli & JSM any friends in Cozumel count as long as they fit the announced criteria. Couples can use the same friend. Only thing is
you have to share the beer. Oh what the heck beer for everybody. Two beers if you can speak more Spanish than "Que?" "Yo quiero mas cerveza" and "Donde esta el bano?"

Our policy regarding weather: You're going to get wet anyway. If there is lightening and it becomes dangerous we'll pool the proceeds, buy a bottle of Rum and listen to Reggae while the dogs howl along. Of course when it rains the turtles start mating so no children during these performances.

"What type of souvenirs will you be offering CZMDM?" We have been working hard on this and the dogs have some excellent ideas for t-shirts with snappy sayings like:

"Who's the smarter animal a dog or the one with a hole in it's head?"

"My German Shepherd can herd your Dolphins!"

"Dolphins Blow!"

"Our Jack Russells are smarter than your honor student."

"Our German Shepherd can eat your Dolphin!"

"Only wimpy mammals squeek!"

Body Poppers for seniors: No worries. We like that. Seniors almost always have deeper belly buttons. Of course no males....we are not yet quite that progressive, but we are always looking for volunteers.

Will we be offering senior discounts? Is the Pope Catholic?

Of course no Mexican gift stand would not be complete without shot glasses. Our shot glasses feature the same snappy lines from the t-shirts, plus glasses with images of the dogs faces.

On Saturdays we will have free bags of dog poop so you can feed the turtles.

The only problem we are facing is the same as many dive shops have with their DM's. The dogs and turtles know the people are coming to see them and we have caught them trying to steal our client lists so they can form their own company. I told you Jack Russells are smart. The German Shepherd is smart, but he is mostly for muscle.

Any other suggestions would be appreciated.

Swim With the Dogs! An experience not soon forgotten!

See ya soon.
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#13 scubawoman

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Posted 14 August 2010 - 08:43 AM

[size="7"][/size
SPECIAL SALE! FOUR MONTHS ONLY! For a mere $4.00 USD, you can hire me as your special island friend, since I am neither a working waiter, taxi driver, bartender or dive master. Hurry, now, so you qualify for your special offers listed above!
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#14 dawnb

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Posted 16 August 2010 - 05:01 PM

ROFLMAO!!!

We have a similar program here in the Midwest: SWD (Swim With Deer) and SWF (Swim With Frogs). Though most of them are kind of bloaty and dead from the chlorine...

Not much action. Though you get a free glass of Ripple and all the water you can drink from the garden hose and bird baths.
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